Interview: The New Clear Lawn Chairs

Alright, what’s up, this is Ryan Stoyer with Analog Revolution. I’m here at Swayze’s with the New Clear Lawn Chairs because the old ones broke up. But it’s cool, they still play some of the old songs. Only the hits!
AR: What are your names and what do you do?
John: I’m john Williams, I play guitar and sing.
Daniel: I’m Daniel Barin, I play bass and I backup vocal.
AR: That’s an incomplete statement.
Calvin: I’m Calvin Schaffer. I just play drums.
AR: Who do you think you are?
John: We’re just trying to bring punk back. I mean, we’re pretty much the best band around here.
Calvin: Obviously.
John: All the other guys, fuck it. Fuckin’ posers.
AR: Do you agree with that?
Daniel: Yeah, totes.
John: We just make songs we like and hope other people like them too.
Daniel: We just like to have a blast on stage.
AR: Like a rocket ship.
Calvin: like a rocket ship.
Daniel: like a rocket ship.
AR: Daniel, why do you not stand still? You move around more than Ian Curtis. That’s quite an accomplishment.
Daniel: …I don’t know. ADD?
AR: Who is your favorite local band?
John: One of the local bands I’m really excited about is this band called Grandest Canyon. They’re a bunch of kids that we know and they just fuck around and do whatever they want.
AR: whatever they want?
Daniel: Yeah, with their instruments!
AR: You’re one to talk.
John: They have this song called “Pizza Party Fuck Boy” and it’s just two chords and they just yell Pizza Party Fuck Boy and it’s on that level of not giving a fuck.
AR: Daniel, what about you?
Daniel: SS Vendetta before they broke up.
AR: So you don’t like them after they broke up?
Calvin: They sold out.
AR: Calvin?
Calvin: Treephort!
AR: A safe and justified answer.
John: I think that goes without saying.
AR: So what’s this talk I heard about you guys getting a new bass player.
John: Well, we were in an old band called Eastern Division, and Daniel is actually a really awesome lead guitarist. I want to make the shows have a little more depth, by having him play lead licks. So we’re looking for a bassist right now.
AR: I thought that other guy was already in.
John: um
AR: He’s talking like it.
John: Yeah, the thing is that
AR: I can get rid of him
John: There’s this—
AR: I play bass
John: there’s—
AR: I’m starting another band.
John: Well—
AR: I won’t play for you. I won’t even let you talk. This is your interview, not mine. Interview me!
Daniel: Who do you think you are?
AR: Whoever you think I am.
Calvin: Record Store Guy!
Daniel: um… Sexy?
John: The new face of punk in Marietta?
AR: Well damn. Anyway, you were saying something that was way more important than me.
John: A bunch of people have been messaging us about being our bassist, but I think we’re going to go to with Alec because he was in an old band with us and we know the dude and really like him.
AR: What records do you want us to have in the record store?
Calvin: All of them.
Daniel: All of them.
John: Anything that I can afford.
AR: What can you afford?
John: Five bucks if my dad gives me money? I don’t have a job, I still get
Daniel: I gotta agree with him. Same words.
Calvin: I prostitute myself, so I can afford some of them.
AR: We can cut out the middle man on that.
John: If you get the original Limp Bizkit album on vinyl, I would be all over that shit.
AR: I’m not sure if you’re serious. I think he is…
John: When it comes to Fred Durst, I’m always fucking serious. Are you kidding me?
AR: I still don’t know if he’s serious… Here’s the problem, I don’t know anything about Limp Bizkit , so I don’t know if that’s a joke. I’m pretty sure it is.
Daniel: It is!
John: It’s a joke!

AR: Because I’m about to order all of their albums if you don’t tell me it’s a joke.
John: No, no no no no
Daniel: Please don’t, Please don’t!
AR: And then you’re going to have to buy them five dollars at a time.
Calvin: If you want to have a successful record store, don’t buy the Limp Bizkit album.
AR: Alright, we can have a Limp Bizkit burning.
John: Can we do it at the poetry show?
AR: Probably. Do you guys own record players? You can be honest.
I actually don’t. I just haven’t gotten the money to buy one yet. I don’t know, I’ll probably just raid my grandma’s basement and see what she has. I bet she has some stuff.
Daniel: I’d like to raid her… nevermind.
AR: Nothing matters, everything is possible: Analog Revolution! I’m here with the New Clear Lawn Chairs. You guys know that on the flyer tonight it said Nuclear.
NCLC: Yeah!
AR: What the hell was that about?
Daniel: No one gets the pun, though!
AR: Exactly, no one gets the pun!
Daniel: Nuclear launchers! Shit!
AR: Launchers?! I did not even get that.
Daniel: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
AR: I never got that. Wow. I’m speechless. That makes too much sense. I don’t even like you guys anymore. (We totally still like these guys).